I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
