tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
