Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
