I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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