Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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