Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
