I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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