please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
