Pappa wants mamma naked
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
