We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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