does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
