I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
