the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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