Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
God, I missed his penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
