i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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