when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize