i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
