That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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