you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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