Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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