mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize