fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I want is dick and wine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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