if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
farters have to be the big spoon...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
