so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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