I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
