shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
