I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
