RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
