eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
