Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
