what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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