i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
