omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
