Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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