I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
