why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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