your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
