Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
