using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
