I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
