M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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