do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
