dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
