Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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