Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
