I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
