i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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