She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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