Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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