Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
