Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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