i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
