Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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