I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
