I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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