the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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