We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
