Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Success! We fucked roommates!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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