Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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