So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
