anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
