My friends, they love my intelligence
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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