my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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