When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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