I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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