I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
