I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
