it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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