can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
