He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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