They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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